Jayanti Krishnan
Are you truly fit in the real sense? – is a pertinent question we all should ask ourselves every day.
While all of us spend so much time to beautify our own selves from the outside, it is equally important to beautify from the inside. Undoubtedly, it is a combination of your external and internal fitness levels that allows you to remain active, resourceful and energetic wherever you go and whatever you do.
Interestingly, the internal dialogue – the constant conversation we all have with our minds – is the core driving force behind every success that we see. And behind every failure that hits us.
So is it possible to control and channelise this talking mind of ours to ensure success and avoid failures? Yes it is, with practice and time.
We give you the 5 Rs to handle your mind and achieve a well balanced mindset that steers you to success:
1. Redefine Self Trust: Never give up on the things you believe in; and most importantly, never give up on yourself. To do anything, you must be able to trust yourself and believe in your capabilities. Success is not something that just happens but something you create after trusting your inner self. Hence trust your thoughts and take risks, there are chances of failing sometimes, but the key is to rebuild the trust again and again, and keep trying. Keep telling yourself – I can do it, and do it very well!
2. Refocus your priorities: One of the worst setbacks that can happen to us is losing focus and allowing distractions to set in. Wandering of mind wastes time and holds you from moving forward. But that is very likely as we handle so many aspects of life every day. Always create a virtual boundary around you and only let those things come in which add value to your life. Unnecessary reactions or situations need to be filtered out from entering your inner aura and disturbing your peace.
3. Reduce Ego: The biggest block in our minds is Ego which gives rise to various other emotions and problems. This ego is not to be confused with self respect or self esteem. Ego would usually result in thoughts like ‘I know better‘, ‘who are they to teach me‘, and other thoughts which highlight self importance. Ego can lead to a superiority or an inferiority complex. The most common offsprings of ego are fear, anger, depression and even violence. Thus, ego, if not controlled can cause havoc in our lives, it can even break relationships. Practicing gratitude and surrendering our need to control others, or even to control all aspects of our lives, will help us in the long run. If we don’t, we risk blocking ourselves from new experiences and better situations.
4. Respect differences: We need to analyse the differences we have with others and decide what our perspective and stance is going to be. For that, understanding the other person’s perspective or point of view becomes essential. When we are disrespectful to another person, their space, or their belief system, it turns out to be the swiftest path to creating a separation and divide between people. Being mindful, compassionate and empathetic will lead to us nurturing our relationships. And for that we must begin by accepting and respecting the other person, within reason.
5. Re-learn from experiences: Life is a constant lesson. Learn, unlearn and relearn is the mantra. It is very important to always look within and try to learn from each and every experience and do things differently the next time. We make mistakes every day, and while they aren’t all life-changing or earth-shattering, they always exhibit an example of what not to do next time. We should NOT see mistakes as problems, rather see them as stepping stones to finding solutions. As Thomas Alva Edison once said, ‘I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.‘
A balanced and poised mind is always available for solving any problem, thereby achieving higher goals in life. Hence, it is extremely important to consciously meditate on these aspects everyday and try to maintain a calm mind amidst all odds.
Sounds easier said than done. Right?
No. Let me show you how you can use the 5R technique to attain a balanced mind. As an example, let us look at an all familiar situation in the life of the mother of a teenager!
Situation
Your teenager had an argument with you and does not listen to you. Worse, they were a bit disrespectful in the process.
Instinctive Reaction
Your (and mine, rather of most mothers’) typical reaction would be the usual, predictable and easy way out – raising your voice, quoting the moral rule book on the duties of a child and pressurising them to apologise. With our talking mind in full force, we will just snub our thinking mind, park it along with reason and calm and would be on a tirade.
But how much does that help our relationship with the child in the long run? And more importantly, will it resolve the issue effectively so that it does not crop up again?
Of course, not. In fact, when we yell, we are giving one of the two messages to the child: one, it is okay to yell when you do not get your way, and second, they do not get to have an opinion on anything and should listen quietly. Both disastrous consequences.
Ideal Reaction
Now, if you are in a balanced state of mind and approach this whole episode mindfully, here is what you should probably do:
1. Take a few minutes to let the argument sink in and accept the current situation first. Then slowly progress towards respecting the differences by giving the child the benefit of the doubt. Maybe the kid has their own perspective.
2. Don’t let the Ego of being a senior come into play here and remove thoughts like ‘I am the older one, how can they speak like that to me.‘ More often than not, half the problem will get solved at this step. It is the Ego of being the older (hence, in our minds, being the wiser) which causes most of the rifts with teenagers, as they are growing older too and experimenting with their wants, desires and decision-making. Hence it is of utmost importance to send the right message to them on how to handle their lives responsibly.
3. Now, refocus on your priorities. If you want to see your kid become a good, responsible and conscientious human being, you would need to appeal to their inner core and make them see the incident in a different way. And that would need you to calm down first and not say anything immediately. You would need to keep quiet right then and at an opportune time (probably the next day) explain to them, when the mood is better. Teenagers hate when elders nag them all the time. Silence is the best treatment sometimes. However, at the right time make your point and explain to them about right and wrong. But make sure you hear their side of the story too.
4. Finally lead by example. If you are polite, there is no way the teenager will shout. And be open to accepting the child’s viewpoint as correct, if it indeed seems so to you.
Well, the steps taken may vary from parent to parent, but the approach largely should remain the same. In fact, smartly tweaked, the 5R approach can be used in any difficulty at work or at home.
When you emerge unscathed from the negative state of mind and restore the power to bring strong mind-body balance, you are sure to become capable of producing ample productivity at work, at home, with friends etc.
So next time you get into a discussion with your children, or step into your workplace or perform any activity, make sure you bring along your balanced mind.
Eyra 